Ah, yes - just what we need to revitalize... →
In times like these, it’s helpful to remember that there have always been times...– Paul Harvey (via livejamie)
Q: What is the title of your presentation to the... →
A: Will You Look At Me When I’m Talking To You Listen I Know Things Are A Little Shaky Right Now But Are You Seriously Texting Right In The Middle Of My Speech Holy Shit Argentina I Swear To God I’ll Smack That Mouth Of Yours If You Don’t Put That Cell Thing Away Until I’m Done Talking To You France Hold Me Down So I Don’t Go To Jail For What Argentina Is Making Me Do...
Six word story.
karenuhoh: bowlingalleylawyer: notesfromundervault: socialexperiment: oneshouldreadeverything: comeanddance: witharmsakimbo: sethrader: growingup: danceablyangry: juxtaposition: danceablyangry: imlouise: alixjay: laurelanne: We stopped caring. The world ended. Write your own six word stories. You’re a creative bunch. GO! Giving up is easy, loving isn’t. i hate...
Everyone just relax. I have it on good authority...
Patrick: Hello! Thank you for being a valued Bank of America customer! My name is Patrick. How may I assist you with your personal accounts today via our Live Chat service?
You: Hi Patrick! It's sunny in Philadelphia today. Yay for us! I'd like to get some information on how President Obama's stimulus package will have an effect on my accounts with Bank of America, and Bank of America's plan to pay back the working American.
Patrick: I am glad to assist you with that. The stimulus package is given to the Bank of America. Please note that we should pay back the government the amount which they have provided to us. In the month of February we have paid back some amount which has been given to us.
You: Is Bank of America going to start a Twitter or Tumblr account so that we can keep up on this kind of information?
Patrick: Bank of America is now on Twitter.
You: WHAT? Can I please have the twitter feed or URL?
Patrick: http://twitter.com/BofA_help David Knapp, Bank of America's Senior Vice President of National Customer Experience, will be monitoring the Twitter conversation, and no account information will be shared in the Tweets.
You: Is this guy's name really David Knapp?
You: Is he on Facebook too?
Patrick: Yes he is.
You: Do you think he would "Friend" me?
You: Are you eating your lunch?
Patrick: I am sorry for the delay.
You: That's okay I guess - I hope it's something tasty.
Patrick: I am very sorry, My scope is limited I cannot provide you the complete details about that.
You: About whether or not David Knapp would "Friend" me on Facebook?
Patrick: I certainly don't intend to pass on any incorrect information to you. I request you to contact us at 1.800.432.1000 to get the best assistance.
You: Ummm, is that a professional way of telling me he doesn't want to be my friend but you don't want to be the bearer of bad news? Because whatever David Knapp told you about me, he's lying. I don't even know him.
Patrick: I am so sorry, I solely assist with personal checking and savings only.
You: Is there a rivalry between the Live Chat Associates and the Customer Services Reps that work at the call centers? Because it kinda seems like every time I have a question that can't be answered on here, you all tell me to call the 800 number, and I'd be kinda sore if one of my coworkers kept dumping their undesirable accounts on my lap.
Patrick: I sincerely apologize for the inconvenience.
You: Okay. If I call the 800 number, can I be connected to David Knapp to see if a) taxpayers will get the stimulus money back and b) if he'll "Friend" me on Facebook?
Patrick: I assure that you will get the best assistance by contacting the aforementioned number.
You: You're being vague. I sense you'd like to eat your lunch in peace. Okay. I'm off to connect with my new Twitter bff David. Enjoy your chicken salad!
Patrick: Thank you for your understanding.
You: Oh, I understand. Chicken salad is TASTY.
Patrick: Is there anything else that I may assist you with your personal checking and savings accounts?
You: Not unless you can pump them full of free money.
Patrick: Nice one, Anne.
You: Thank you Patrick. I'm thinking about taking my show on the road.
Patrick: Could you please be more specific?
You: Oh, sure. See, I fancy myself a 'real comedian.' And even though I really do wish you'd pump my accounts full of free money, my request seemed to strike your funny bone. So maybe that's what I'll use as my starting-out material. You know, until I get some more acclaim under my belt.
Patrick: I wish you good luck for your future. You will definitely reach your goal.
You: Thanks for the vote of confidence Patrick. Tell you what: I'll keep David Knapp in the know about my open mic schedule so you can come see me some time. Kay? We'll go get chicken salad together, and you can pay me back those billions of dollars!
Patrick: I am sorry once again, Anne. Communication of a personal nature is not permitted. The Bank of America Live Chat feature is for business use only.
You: You're not sorry, Patrick. You're AWESOME.
Patrick: Thank you so much. Have a peaceful day ahead! Keep Smiling! All the Best!!!
You: Thanks Patrick! Can't wait to get my tax money back from you!!
Has YOUR Bank Representative wished you speedy...
Maria: Anne, I completely understand your concern. Though there are some procedures that we need to follow.
You: Oh man, you're going to make me call the 886 number aren't you.
Maria: Please chat with us again once the fee posts to the account. We are available 24*7.
You: Can I ask you a personal question? It's just a yes or no question. Did you fill about a bracket for Final Four? I hear Connecticut is the team to beat.
Maria: The Bank of America Live Chat feature is for business use only. Communication of a personal nature is not permitted. I apologize.
You: Hmmm. Business use only. Okay - can you give me the email address to the CEO at Bank of America?
Maria: Anne, being a customer I can completely understand your frustration. We do not have the access for that information. Please be assured that the only reason for me to ask you to chat with us again is the fee in pending as of now, other wise I could have checked the option to waive it for you.
You: Well, I guess you've stumped me then. Have other chat representatives left notes in my account about how obnoxious I am?
Maria: I apologize, I couldn't see any notes regarding that. Infact you are an esteemed Customer for us.
You: LIES, Maria!
Maria: Please don't feel that way. If you have a question about Overdraft fee, its absolutely genuine and valid. After all I understand its your money and you wouldn't like that to go in a fee.
You: let's not damage our relationship of transperancy!
Maria: I would certainly not like to damage your relationship with us. However there are certain procedures we need to follow. We cannot take any action on a transaction which is on pending status. I would request you to please chat with us once the fee is posted on your Account.
You: But Dudette, you're the BANK. THE BANKS can do whatever they want!!
Maria: I understand that.
You: Don't you read the news?
You: Okay. Well, since you didn't see any notes about how obnoxious I am, can you leave a note about how AWESOME I am?
Maria: You are truly Awesome Anne.
Maria: I appreciate your understanding and patience in this matter.
You: Okay then. I suppose you're free to go.
Maria: Is there anything else I can assist you with Anne?
You: Hmmm. Yes. I'm trying to lose weight and I'm going to the gym like, three or four times a week, and I feel like I'm getting stronger but I'm not losing any inches of my waist, IFYOUKNOWWHATIMSAYIN. What should my ratio of weightlifting to cardio and protein intake be if I want to lose like 60 pounds in like, four days?
Maria: I suppose your gym coach or your dietician will be the right person to answer this question:)
You: I GUESS.
Maria: I wish you a rapid weight loss Anne.
You: THANKS MARIA. That's probably like, the nicest thing anyone at BoA has ever said to anyone on the face of the planet. Okay, I'm going home now. I got a new down comforter from Overstock.com for THIRTY BUCKS and I want to take it home.
Maria: Sure. All the best.
You: GREENZO OUT.
"Generally speaking," says Steve on the show,... →
- Philly native Steve Ward, on the matchmaking service he shares WITH HIS MOTHER that VH1 features in the new reality show, Tough Love. Well, sign me up, then! And get someone to come clean up all this puke.
[at his wife’s funeral] Daniel: When she first mentioned what’s about to happen, I said, “Over my dead body.” And she said, “No, Daniel, over mine… ”
I haven't done much talking today.
I got to work after dropping Rollertrain off at the airport this morning, and I haven’t spoken much since I pulled away from Terminal B. I’ve spent the last unscheduled, unstructured eight days around people I like, around a fire in the new fire pit in our back yard, around personalities that were either recently introduced or hanging around in the background of my day-to-day at whom...
Pardon my meme.
I already did this like thirteen years ago, but I just saw it somewhere else and tried it and darnit if EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THESE isn’t true. Google “your name “and the word “Needs” see what comes up. These are the 10 things it says that I need. Be honest and put down what it says. 1. Forums - Anne needs to win sexiest veg! 2. The elephant Anne needs to retire. 3....